tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6613185.post114706083869715517..comments2023-10-26T05:12:19.629-07:00Comments on PonderIt: Burdens of Our Own ChoosingBradley Rosshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06030210881782328907noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6613185.post-1156220540022982172006-08-21T21:22:00.000-07:002006-08-21T21:22:00.000-07:00Oh, anon, I am so sorry to hear about your trials....Oh, anon, I am so sorry to hear about your trials. I think your grandchild is a very lucky person to have you to raise him/her! It's so hard to watch someone you love and care for make choices that are so wrong--and end up hurting that person and everyone around them so deeply. I wish I could understand why things happen, or what to do when things are so hard...but I do know that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are there for us during all our trials (whether of our own choosing or not), if we but turn to Them.Kerynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09879082560681531027noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6613185.post-1156183346559383342006-08-21T11:02:00.000-07:002006-08-21T11:02:00.000-07:00Having a wayward adult child (from the age of 19 u...Having a wayward adult child (from the age of 19 until the present age of 42 is very depressing, discouraging, and filled with guilt for me as the parent. I am constantly trying to figure out where I went wrong and what I could have done differently. Needless to say, these years have been very trying for us. We are rearing a child that was birthed by this wayward child at the age of 21. The child was left on the side of the road, but thankfully was found and was o.k. Now she is constantly battering us because as she phrases it "we took this child from her". We did indeed take her to court when the child was about 3 or 4 years old and received custody. She was only allowed supervised visitation which she never exercised. <BR/><BR/>When and if she does come around us, she is rude, crude, and downright disrespectful to us. <BR/><BR/>What do we do at this stage? I am at my wits end.<BR/><BR/>And by the way, since the child is now older, she has started calling him frequently, wanting to see him, and filling his head with lies, and cruel things about us.<BR/><BR/>My or my, I hope nobody else has to deal with this.<BR/><BR/>I still love her dearly and would love to have some type of relationship even if it is strained. I have not given up hope. Will continue to pray daily that God will see fit to help in this situation.<BR/><BR/>Has anybody else had to deal with this kind of situation.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6613185.post-1147308863444904632006-05-10T17:54:00.000-07:002006-05-10T17:54:00.000-07:00I agree with most of what everyone has said.1. So...I agree with most of what everyone has said.<BR/>1. Sometimes poor choices = trials that we brought on ourselves.<BR/>2. Sometimes trials are through no fault of our own.<BR/>I think that what many people toss around that I don't agree with is:<BR/>The more trials you have the stronger God thinks you are.<BR/>I don't think we should treat challenges like that. I think we should appreciate what we (or others) LEARN from the challenges. We want to come out of anything stronger than we were before....even if it takes years.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6613185.post-1147299126905899682006-05-10T15:12:00.000-07:002006-05-10T15:12:00.000-07:00I agree that each of us must accept responsibility...I agree that each of us must accept responsibility for our own actions, and we should teach our children to do the same. But my point is that there are often mitigating circumstances beyond our ability to judge.<BR/><BR/>I have some friends that are struggling with the very poor choices of one of their young adult children. It seems obvious to me and others acquainted with the situation that much of this simply comes down to 'the chickens coming home to roost.' My friends are expecting responsible behavior, while imprinting that trait has seemingly never been part of their parenting pattern.<BR/><BR/>It's easy for me to look at my friends' situation and conclude that they have their just rewards. But I can't see into my friends' physical and spiritual genetics and abilities, nor can I really see these things in their child. While they are responsible for their parenting choices, and their child his responsible for poor behavior, there may be matters hidden from me but visible to God that allow Him to judge perfectly.<BR/><BR/>My friends' child will have to deal with many consequences throughout life that directly result from poor choices. But don't we all bear scars of this nature to one degree or another? That's part of what the Atonement is for.<BR/><BR/>I guess I'm simply calling for a balanced approach. Accept responsibility--don't try to shift blame--but also seek and accept divine help.Scott Hinrichshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11831447472339880148noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6613185.post-1147279686631351472006-05-10T09:48:00.000-07:002006-05-10T09:48:00.000-07:00Lynnette, thanks for your comment. You make an ex...Lynnette, thanks for your comment. You make an excellent point about the comforting nature of "judgemental" trials--that is, <I>you</I> are suffering because of something <I>you</I> did. There is so much unexplained pain in the world, and it would be so much easier if we could assign a cause and effect to everything. Thanks for adding it to the comments, I hope everyone reads it as well.Kerynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09879082560681531027noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6613185.post-1147279509305025662006-05-10T09:45:00.000-07:002006-05-10T09:45:00.000-07:00Reach upward, you make a good point. I didn't mea...Reach upward, you make a good point. I didn't mean to connect the wayward children tangent with the original point, that of burdens that we have brought upon ourselves. Now that you bring it up, though, I understand that connection is easily made. <BR/><BR/>To let me clarify my thinking on that subject: I <I>do</I> think that poor parenting practices can lead to wayward children. I would be belittling our roles as parents to think otherwise. But I <I>don't</I> think that every wayward child is the result of poor parenting techniques, because this denies the role of individual agency. There are scores of examples of righteous parents with difficult children, and I certainly don't think that my parents (or my husband and I) are better parents than Lehi, Alma the Elder, King David, etc. <BR/><BR/>However, my original point still stands. I have, unfortunately, been (often) guilty of pride "looking up". (Sometimes I wonder if it is my favorite pet sin.) My seeking to belittle others, even just in my mind, doesn't do a lot to humble me, and that pride keeps me from the Spirit of the Lord. This is something I especially want to be more aware of in my dealings with God and my fellow men.Kerynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09879082560681531027noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6613185.post-1147275038447635832006-05-10T08:30:00.000-07:002006-05-10T08:30:00.000-07:00Careful on the wayward children thing. President ...Careful on the wayward children thing. President Faust talked about this as recently as three years ago <A HREF="http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/2003.htm/ensign%20may%202003.htm/dear%20are%20the%20sheep%20that%20have%20wandered.htm?fn=document-frameset.htm$f=templates$3.0" REL="nofollow">here</A>. His talk references others that are good on this subject as well. Who can say what people bring with them from the pre-earth life and why families are saddled with varying degrees of problems?<BR/><BR/>You are correct to suggest that we should avoid false doctrine. But we also need to understand that only God comprehends the degree of difficulty each of his children is faced with. Check out Stephen Robinson's Parable of the Divers in his book <A HREF="http://deseretbook.com/store/product?sku=4752774" REL="nofollow">Following Christ</A>.Scott Hinrichshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11831447472339880148noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6613185.post-1147104084415277082006-05-08T09:01:00.000-07:002006-05-08T09:01:00.000-07:00Well done. I generally agree with this.Well done. I generally agree with this.Eric Nielsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00530011180028252442noreply@blogger.com