Burdens of Our Own Choosing

Today in fast and testimony meeting, a sister I'll call "Ann" stood and bore her testimony. She is fairly new in the ward, but I know a little about her because she has two Primary age children who sometimes (as will happen) have a hard time acting reverently in Primary. Ann spoke about how sometimes it's hard when she compares her life to her siblings' lives--they seem to have such easy and trial-free lives while hers is very, very difficult, and filled with a lot of burdens. But then she remembers what her dad tells her: "God won't give you more burdens than you can handle". Ann concluded, "God must know that I am strong enough to handle a lot of burdens." (Although I'm using Ann as a springboard for my thoughts on the subject, I want to be clear that I do not know everything about her life. There could be extenuating circumstances or details of which I am not aware.)

This struck me as perhaps fundamentally incorrect. I know that God won't tempt us beyond that which we are able to bear (1 Corinthians 10:13), and I know that He won't leave us to deal with our troubles alone, if we but ask and repent. But I think that our own choices account for many (NOT ALL) of our trials, and we can't put the responsibility for suffering those trials on God.

To use Ann as an example, she was raised in a stalwart LDS home. She wants to raise her children in a like manner, and she does her best to do so. She, however, married outside of the church. Some of the trials she mentioned (bringing the kids to church alone, trying to listen to the talks while wrestling with three children under the age of six, not making it every week because a lack of support) are a direct result of a choice she made.

It may be comforting to think, "I have these problems because God knows I'm strong enough", and oftentimes that may be harmless. But I see at least two problems with this way of thinking:

• It doesn't teach true principles, and it may lead away from better choices and correct teachings. (If I don't think it was my own actions that led to my problems, I'm not likely to change my actions or discourage anyone from following my example.)
• Many times the corollary to this way of thinking is that others don't have those problems because they aren't strong enough, or righteous enough. (Don't laugh. This has actually been mentioned to my parents in the context of righteous children: The strongest, most righteous families are sent the troublesome, wayward children, because those families are the only ones strong enough to raise them.)

This is a principle best applied to our own lives. After all, if we are honest with ourselves, we are the ones in the best position to judge if we are blaming our troubles on some whim of an experimenting, unfair God (God: "Let's see, oh he can handle this." ZAP!). And if we do realize that our own actions are the cause of our troubles, then perhaps with that new-found humility we can more easily gain the comfort and the support from heaven that we so desperately need.